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Plenary Indulgences on a very random Daily Mass.
On my way to the Cathedral, I fell into a rosary. The hum of the road, the purr of the air conditioning, the swaying of the truck as I wove between traffic, all put me in a meditative state.
Joyful Mysteries. First Mystery, The Annunciation — the Virtue of Obedience to God.
I was beneath an umbrella of prayer.. some might say Mary’s Mantle. It was very distinct, very soothing, very notable simply because I haven’t prayed like I used to, my friend. Whatever this was put distance between me and the conflicts in my life as I drove along.
This is abiding.. This is where I belong, no matter what happens, no matter where I am, where I go, where I stand, where I breathe.. this is available to me, again and again.. if I would only pray.. if I would only remember Who loves me and be with Him, be with Mary and my dearest friends, the Saints. This is my Belonging.
It was very comforting.. we took a detour to a favorite coffee shop I haven’t been to in months and months and months.. picked up some Guatamala & cinnamon rolls & an apple danish.. and went on to Confession.
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned, my last confession was.. last week!
I insert myself.. bothered.. I need to become more small and small in response to the needs of the Church.. it is not my fight, not my battle, not that way. I must remove myself.. disturbed & saddened by the suffering of untamed children.. greatly sorrowed by children who have not received the Sacraments.. I need relief, especially from myself.
I must comment myself & everyone & everything I know to Christ, pray for others, join with others on the cross, unite to Christ’s cross.. unite with Jesus.
I don’t remember the rest..
All the kingdoms of the earth the LORD, the God of heaven, has given to me, and he has also charged me to build him a house in Jerusalem, which is in Judah. Therefore, whoever among you belongs to any part of his people, let him go up, and may his God be with him! - Ezr 1:1-6, First Reading
.. commend, everyone, every thing, and always.
In the space of the Holy Mass at Noon, I was keenly aware of the Plenary Indulgence that would come. I steal them for myself now, where before I offered them to my dead relatives and friends, dead poets & writers & philosophers & popes, all those I don’t know.
I take Plenary Indulgences for the purpose of purging my old self, shedding the skin, scrapping away any and every fungoid & rotted bark upon this lipid tree of my soul.. may she thrive. Stripped naked & entirely bare, may she forget everything except Love & Virtue.. duty & doing.. perseverance & tender strength.. may she return to languishing in Love, my friend.. sighing deeply, taking Breath given her, like these Indulgences.. to breathe Life & Love into someone else.. instead of death & despair & broken mirrors of the world.
What else can I do?
Fall in Love. Again.
That’s never hard..
In Spiritu Tuo, ad gloriam Patris. 9.25.2023.
Jesus said to the crowd: "No one who lights a lamp conceals it with a vessel or sets it under a bed; rather, he places it on a lampstand so that those who enter may see the light. For there is nothing hidden that will not become visible, and nothing secret that will not be known and come to light. Take care, then, how you hear. To anyone who has, more will be given, and from the one who has not, even what he seems to have will be taken away." -- St. Luke 8, 16-18, Today's Gospel for Monday of the Twenty-fifth Week in Ordinary Time
Written after this entry. Obviously.. I warmed up, then came here to whisper in corners:
The backstory — I cry at work.. often. When I hear the stories of affected children (I call their their parents & have conversations.. how can I help?), I’m broken. My voice cracks & my professionalism vanishes.. I’m just a soul hearing secrets, what am I, Lord? that you would have me listen?
I felt despair Thursday.. Friday, into the weekend.. wanted Confession Saturday, but knew I wouldn’t make it. It just wasn’t meant to be. I used to get crushed if I couldn’t go, but now, I see it as God’s Order. Not now.. stand to be with yourself, He’d seem to tell me. I realized Sunday we had a Teacher’s Workday on Monday.. so I schemed and skipped.. held my head high as I walked out the door at 10:30a, to pick up my son at home, to make it to Confession by 11ish. That’s when we had coffee (OJ) and sweets.
I must relieve myself of myself. My friend, I travel through forests, taking on the many rumpled clothing I find in the forest floors, wanting to prepare for anything, dealing with everything. By the time I emerge into a Cathedral’d clearing, it’s time for me to shed.. and stand naked before my God, so I can just.. love. Can I not just love? What is this life? Give me the way traveler, I will love him! Let me care for her.. gently lift & wipe faces as I seek window’d souls..
So.. it’s at the Holy Altar where I lay my burden.. or on my knees in the Confessional.
All my life.. a pilgrimage toward purity of heart, poverty of soul.
I love you.. whatever graces for me, be given to thee, Amen.