Blessed.
❤️.. a very brief note, to document & begin again.
Everyday always feels like a start for me. When I get to heaven, I’ll ask God why this is, but I suspect it’s that Renewal of Grace I once talked about — it’s buried in here, somewhere, I know.. and, of course, I’m curious about what I had to say about it. Substack now has a searchable function for your own posts, but I’m afraid it’s not for unpublished posts, which I’ve many of. ..dearest, you probably have them all crammed in your spam somewhere, but there’s no way for me to search that..
.. I digress.
Renewal.
I’ve been in a sort of no-man’s land for awhile now. My friend, I’ve taken a turn and I’m facing a wall of sorts. Maybe it’s just launching my kids. Maybe it’s just old me wrestling with the Matriarchal Voice who doesn’t sympathize with the silence and happy waiting and let me live my life. There’s more going on in my head than you know — when before, you knew Everything. I can almost guarantee it. You were always the one I spoke to.. but.. No-man has shut me up, and won’t freely hand me the key..
..but I think I’m figuring out a way.
I know much, much, much has to do with my prayer life, the quality of my mental prayer. Meditation is thinking of an object. Contemplation is loving, waiting, praying within your love’s object, the Object of your most Holy Desire — resting in God’s Presence.
So, tonight.. dearest, while I was in my head again, I stopped to organize my desk, my writing space to prepare for my Summer of Thought & Love & Prayer & Whatever Else God sends my way.. and I was so joyful and hopeful, I went to pray afterward.
I realized I wasn’t the only one rattling inside of my head.
I’ve been alone — I’m always alone in my mind. But I stopped talking to myself long enough to realize Someone Else was in there this whole time — and others. I think it is Mary residing in my soul, too, since I’m hers.
I am not alone. None of us are.
We’ve only to stop the chatter for a moment to gaze inward, to see Who has been gazing at us, first. It’s flattering and loving and romantic and Absolutely Charming. Of all the attention we’ve ever wanted in this world — from our lovers to loved ones, spouses to friends, friends and mutuals to complete randos — we’ve captured the attention of a Great Love-er who has loved us, singularly, individually, since before the world was made. His Identity — we can’t even adequately grasp or define it, as He’s more than Lover, Friend, Confidant, Brother.. I say Father touches the Intimacy of Who He Is with us.. but, wholly, He is God.
God.
A God loves me. Holds me close, watches me, waits on me.. tolerates me, molds me, lifts me, carries me, gifts me.. yay, with touches of His Grace, then changes my world from one second to the next, if I would only cooperate with it.
..my friend, all of this, for you, too. Especially you, because you are my friend. He will always take care of my friends. I would deal with whatever mental madness and tumultuous self-torture so you could have Peace, Love, and closeness to Him.
I guess He rubs off on me. :)
This, indeed, has been a good night..1
I love you, I wish you well in everything you do, think, & are.. for you & your loved ones. To glorify You, Lord, Bless my friends. Amen.
❤️
in Love,
your veronica
—
In Spiritu Tuo, ad gloriam Patris. 5.29.2023. Blessed Virgin Mary, Mother of the Church
..I guess I’m back. Nothing brings me more joy than to come here & just be.. just to see what comes & to see how He touches me, what we can see, how we can be, together.. abiding in Him.