Next.
I wait.. no longer.
In nómine Patris, ✠ et Fílii, et Spíritus Sancti. Amén.
.. dearest..
In my hands is a book I’ve long searched for, hardly read - read hardly.. it’s pages rich and buttery and I push them flat with anticipation as I think of my week.. reading this aloud to my husband on our drive home.
I didn’t tell you.. he has a tiny little gig at my school while he still hunts for work. It’s so wonderful..
My love goes with me in the morning, he’ll leave when the bell rings.. he’ll stop by my room and wave as he passes with other children.. we’ll jaunt to catch up with each other in the hall when we see each other..
Last Friday, we had a pep rally in the gym. When we released our kids to sit in the bleachers, we leaned up close against the gym wall, daring not to touch each other.. it took everything not to hold hands. All the while, I’m looking at students, wondering — do they know?
Afterward, we walked down the hallway back to my room.. and kissed in the elevator!
It’s as though God allows me to have the boyfriend I never had, it is so surreal.
Lord, what is this? — I’d ask, but I just enjoy it.
— every moment. my dear friend, because we don’t know when the next thing will come, when what we love now will end.
Buttery pages..
There are notes in this one, dating from 2019.. my daughter’s handwriting, a holy card with the words Remain in My Love.
There is nothing more I love than to find hidden Treasure in unexpected places — when I look up at the sky, when I step out my door, when I wake in the morning, when I open a drawer I haven’t been through in awhile. I assume it’s Gratitude? Peace? ..Love.
I love all, but at the same time, I want to let go of everything. Nothing holds the charm of life for me as it once did.. the movement now is to give, and I don’t know where that comes from, nor what it means.
Trappings of earth are boring. I’d much rather carry nothing.. it heightens expectation, and that is where we want to be, I think: nothing holding you back to breathe in that unexpected kiss. ..I imagine an underwater diver letting himself be buoyant to see Light of the sun again.
I don’t mind waiting anymore. I can wait a long time.. (I’m so patient).. because I know without a doubt what’s coming, Who’s coming, Who is there, Who is here with me.
Want is gone.
..it’s a very interesting time for me.
I pray for you.. wherever I go, I take you with me & tell Him.. He listens.
Eternal Father, You are omnipotent and almighty, but Your Essence isn’t to create the earth, the sky and space, is it? It’s to be with all of us, singularly and always with us, the universe created for us, everything in its Right Order, with You with us. Only a God can be with this way, You, God our Father. I don’t have to wait, none of us have to wait to know You. You are here, now, already. Help us see You, now, through Christ Our Lord, Amen.
In nómine Patris, ✠ et Fílii, et Spíritus Sancti. Amén.
❤️ in Love, your veronica St. Gertrude, 11.16.2025